Tea and a Truth Biscuit:
Lead by Example? Oh, F*ck That Sht.

For years, I said I wanted to lead by example. It sounded good. Noble, even. Very self-help-y.

The kind of thing you say when you’ve spent years doing your own work, created something you genuinely believe can help humanity, and somehow convinced yourself that you’re supposed to do something spectacular with it.

Well, I have a Truth Biscuit for myself today, and it’s a big, fat, delicious one.

Oh, f*ck that sht.

I don’t want to lead by example. I want to LIVE by example. And holy sh*t, did it take me a while to understand the difference.

Let Me Back This Bus Up at Bit

More than four years ago, I had a dream. I had been given Holistic Scaffolding™, a technology that had completely transformed my own life, and I genuinely believed it could help other people do the same. So I created Souls Healing Humanity as a company, rolled up my sleeves, and got busy doing what any well-programmed human with a big idea and a mission to change the world is supposed to do.

I hired people. I spent thousands and thousands of dollars. I built courses, wrote books, created marketing hooks, developed sales funnels, and put together high-ticket coaching programs. I even created my ideal customer avatar. Her name was Sheila. Yes, the imaginary woman I was supposed to market to had a f*cking name. I knew her age, her marital status, her frustrations, and probably more about her emotional baggage than her imaginary therapist did.

And underneath all that activity was an idea that seemed perfectly reasonable at the time: If I could just get Holistic Scaffolding™ in front of enough people, I could help them change their lives.

Of course, there was one pesky little detail. Souls Healing Humanity was a company, and companies are supposed to make money. There were expenses to cover, investments to justify, and that delightful little three-letter acronym that makes the business world go round.

ROI, baby!

The problem was that the more I built the business, the less it felt like me. I was doing everything I was supposedly supposed to do, following advice from people who supposedly knew how to build successful companies, and creating something that looked increasingly like every other self-help business out there.

Which was particularly hilarious considering that my entire message was about recognizing your programming and becoming your own guru.

Apparently, I was so busy building the f*cking thing that I hadn’t noticed the giant bag of bullsh*t I was dragging around behind me.

So I Blew It Up

After about a year, I finally became aware of something incredibly uncomfortable. I was teaching people how to recognize and dismantle their programming while simultaneously building Souls Healing Humanity from my own programming.

Well, isn’t that a delicious little Truth Biscuit?

Here I was, telling people to question everything they’d been conditioned to believe, while obediently following the business world’s commandments about marketing, monetization, audience building, and growth. I had traded one set of rules for another and dressed the whole thing up in a lovely little outfit called helping humanity.

Once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it. So I shut the company down, took the financial loss, and let the people I’d hired go. Eventually, I even deleted an email list of more than 3,000 people, an act that probably caused a collective coronary among online marketing professionals everywhere.

YOU DELETED THE LIST?!

Yep. Every last f*cking email address.

And then I rebuilt Souls Healing Humanity around an idea that felt radically different from everything I’d been doing before. I decided I wanted absolutely nothing from anybody.

Holistic Scaffolding™ became free. Actually free. Not internet-marketing free, where you surrender your email address for a cute little PDF and spend the next six months being relentlessly invited to purchase a $4,997 transformational coaching package. I mean FREE free. No email capture, no sales funnel, no upsell, no secret offer waiting behind the curtain, and no f*cking countdown clock warning you that your opportunity to transform your life expires in 17 minutes.

Take whatever helps you. Ignore whatever doesn’t. Go live your damn life.

I loved it. For the first time, Souls Healing Humanity felt completely aligned with who I was and what I believed. I could share the technology, create whatever I wanted, and leave it all out there for anyone who happened to discover it.

And I thought, There. I finally stopped chasing.

Oh, Laura. You adorable little human.

Not quite.

Enter Mystery and Manifestation

Somewhere along this journey, I decided to write another book. Not just any book, mind you, but one I believed could genuinely shake up the self-help world.

Mystery and Manifestation: Why You’re Still Stuck (Even After All That Work) and How to Finally Get Free.

I poured myself into that manuscript. I took everything I’d learned about programming, conditioning, manifestation, and Holistic Scaffolding™ and put it into a book that challenged much of the conventional wisdom being served up by the self-help industry. I loved writing it, believed in the message, and felt proud of what I’d created.

And then, almost without my noticing, another little piece of programming popped its head up and whispered, Maybe THIS is how the message gets out.

Maybe a major publisher would recognize that this was a different kind of self-help book. Maybe it would become a bestseller. Maybe thousands of people would discover Holistic Scaffolding™ because of it. Maybe, just maybe, Sheila would finally find me!

So I hired a very, very expensive professional book-proposal company, put together what I thought was a compelling proposal, and pitched more than 25 publishers. I’d done my homework, followed the process, invested the money, and put my work out into the world.

And the response?

Crickets.

Not one publisher wanted the damn book.

And I got angry. Not the cute, spiritually evolved kind of disappointment where you smile serenely and announce that the universe must have something better planned for you. No, I was genuinely pissed off. I’d worked hard on that manuscript, invested a significant amount of money (again!), and believed I’d written something worth reading. Meanwhile, I could download an endless parade of recycled self-help bullsh*t from bestselling authors who seemed to be repackaging the same old ideas with prettier covers.

What the actual f*ck?

But as I sat with that frustration and began working through it using the very Holistic Scaffolding™ I’d spent years creating, I started noticing something that had very little to do with publishers and everything to do with me.

I was still chasing.

Son of a bitcuit eater!

I’d stopped chasing customers, money, followers, and email addresses, but I’d simply found myself another vehicle. This time, instead of building a business that would carry my message into the world, I was hoping a publisher would do it for me.

Different vehicle. Beep beep!

Same programming.

Even “Helping People” Can Be Programming

Now this was a particularly interesting bag of bullsh*t to unpack, because wanting to help humanity sounds like such a beautiful thing. Who could possibly find fault with wanting people to be happier, healthier, freer, and more aligned with their True Selves? Certainly not me. I genuinely love people, and I genuinely love sharing what I’ve learned.

But somewhere along the way, that desire had quietly turned into an assignment I’d given myself.

I was here to help heal humanity. I was here to help Sheila. I was here to get Holistic Scaffolding™ into people’s hands, help them wake up, encourage them to question their conditioning, and teach them to become their own gurus. I was here to lead by example, damn it, and apparently I had appointed myself director of a one-woman spiritual outreach program with absolutely no intention of retiring.

The funny thing is that I wasn’t even particularly interested in having followers. I’ve spent years telling people they don’t need another guru, that they already have everything they need within themselves, and that the whole point of Holistic Scaffolding™ is to become the authority in their own lives.

Yet there I was, still measuring some part of my experience against whether anyone was receiving what I had to offer.

And then one day, while examining yet another layer of my own programming, something inside me said, Oh, f*ck that sht.

Who exactly am I leading? And why the hell do I need anyone following me?

That question cracked something open.

I Am Not Here to Lead by Example

I’m here to LIVE by example.

Those two things might sound almost identical, but to me, they aren’t even close. The distinction isn’t about the words themselves; it’s about what I’ve been carrying around underneath them.

For me, leading by example had always contained this subtle expectation that somebody might actually be paying attention. Maybe they would see the way I lived, become curious, read my books, explore Holistic Scaffolding™, and eventually begin making changes in their own lives. Nothing wrong with any of that, of course, but somewhere in the background was still that little voice checking to see whether any of it was happening.

Was anybody following? Was anybody listening? Did anyone read what I wrote? Did they understand it? Did anything change? Had anybody found Souls Healing Humanity? Was Sheila still out there wandering around the self-help wilderness with her credit card and another f*cking workbook?

Living by example, at least the way I’m experiencing it now, has none of those requirements.

I get to live my life, do my work, enjoy being this wonderfully imperfect human, and share whatever I feel inspired to share without attaching a single expectation to what happens next. I don’t need somebody else to recognize my growth, validate my choices, or benefit from my experiences for any of them to have value.

I don’t need to wake anybody up, convince anybody of anything, or make sure that Sheila eventually finds her way to my website. Hell, Sheila can be sitting on her sofa right now eating Oreos and watching Netflix for all I care.

Love you, Sheila. You do you.

And here’s what I find so wonderfully liberating about this realization: I don’t have to stop loving humanity, sharing my work, or wishing that more people could experience the freedom I’ve found. None of that has changed. I’m simply releasing the idea that I’m responsible for making any of it happen.

So What the Hell Does “Souls Healing Humanity” Mean Now?

This might be my favorite part of the whole damn revelation.

For years, I think some part of me interpreted Souls Healing Humanity as souls who were going to heal humanity. There was a mission embedded in those three little words, and whether I consciously acknowledged it or not, I’d given myself a pretty substantial job description.

Heal humanity.

No pressure there, Laura. Perhaps you could squeeze that in between morning barefoot run and your afternoon nap.

But today, I see those same three words completely differently.

I am one of the souls healing within humanity.

That’s it. I am a soul having a human experience, continuing to become more aware of my programming, learning to love and accept every part of myself, and discovering what it means to live in alignment with my True Self. I don’t have to be the leader of some grand movement or the person who introduces the world to a new way of living. I simply get to be one of the billions of humans on this planet doing my own work.

And that work continues every damn day.

I live Holistic Scaffolding™ through its six platforms: Awareness, Celebrating You, Accepting All of You, Knowledge & Tools, Triumphs & Tantrums, and Alignment. They’re not steps toward some imaginary finish line where I finally become a perfectly enlightened human. They’re part of the way I experience, navigate, and enjoy my life.

I’m not trying to become some spiritual goddess who floats three inches above the ground, radiates unconditional serenity, and never gets pissed off.

Kirshna on a Cracker! Have you met me?

I still get frustrated. I still catch myself slipping into old programming. I occasionally discover that I’ve spent several days entertaining a familiar bag of bullsh*t that I was absolutely certain I’d already unpacked and shipped off to the spiritual recycling center.

Sometimes I recognize it immediately. Other times, I’m on my 47th trip around the same f*cking loop before the light bulb goes on.

But that’s my human, and I love her. Even when she’s being a colossal pain in the ass.

I’m not doing this work because I have to demonstrate its effectiveness, prove anything to anybody, or become some shining example of what humanity could be. I’m doing it because I love the experience of becoming more deeply acquainted with myself.

And this is the only human whose work I can actually do.

I Owe Nothing to Anybody

There. I said it. And damn, does that feel good.

I don’t owe anybody a transformation, a book, an awakening, an explanation, or a single Wisdom Nugget. I don’t owe Sheila a solution to her problems, and I certainly don’t owe the world a successful self-help movement. Holistic Scaffolding™ is something I’ve created and chosen to share, not an obligation I have to fulfill.

And the other side of that Truth Biscuit is equally delicious.

Nobody owes me their attention. Nobody owes me a click, an email address, a book review, an agreement, or even the courtesy of giving a sh*t about anything I create. Nobody is required to recognize the value of Holistic Scaffolding™, appreciate the years I’ve invested in developing it, or become a happier human because I happened to share something that worked for me.

What a spectacular f*cking relief.

I can write because I love writing. I can create because I love creating. I can share my experiences because I enjoy connecting with other humans, and I can leave every single Holistic Scaffolding™ resource sitting out there completely free for whoever happens to stumble across it.

I can write my little Tea and a Truth Biscuit articles, toss out Wisdom Nuggets, wave a Wisdom Wand whenever the mood strikes, and laugh at the absurdity of my own ongoing human experience. If somebody reads something I’ve written and finds it helpful, wonderful! If they think I’m completely full of sh*t, that’s fine too. They are absolutely entitled to their opinions, just as I am entitled to mine.

And when I’m finished creating or sharing whatever happens to inspire me that day, I can close my computer, grab David, and go enjoy this extraordinary life we’re living.

No metrics to check. No audience to cultivate. No imaginary Sheila waiting for me to figure out how to reach her.

What anybody does with anything I create is entirely up to them.

And I get to go live my f*cking life.

Maybe This Was the Point All Along

I don’t know anymore whether I’m here for some grand purpose, and I’m surprisingly comfortable with that uncertainty. I’ve spent enough of my life trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing, what I’m meant to accomplish, and how I’m going to make some meaningful contribution to humanity.

These days, I’m much more interested in the extraordinary experience of simply being alive.

I’m healthy. I’m happy. I’m traveling this magnificent planet with a man I adore. I get to wake up each morning and decide what I want to do with my day, whether that’s exploring somewhere new, writing a few thousand words, getting in a workout, having a ridiculous conversation with David, or doing absolutely f*cking nothing.

I love deeply, laugh loudly, ask questions, challenge my assumptions, and continue discovering new things about myself and the world around me. I celebrate my triumphs, throw the occasional tantrum, catch myself repeating old patterns, and keep coming back into alignment with my True Self.

Some days I handle things beautifully. Other days, my human puts on quite the performance. Either way, it’s my life, and I wouldn’t trade it for somebody else’s version of what a meaningful existence is supposed to look like.

And perhaps that’s the biggest shift of all. I no longer want to spend my life trying to turn my life into something useful for other people.

I want to experience it.

All of it.

The extraordinary, the ridiculous, the peaceful, the frustrating, the hilarious, the uncomfortable, and those wonderfully ordinary moments when I look around and realize just how much I love being alive.

If my experiences happen to inspire another human along the way, fantastic. But that isn’t why I’m having them.

I’m having them because they’re mine.

So no, I’m not here to lead by example. I’m here to live by example, which, for me, means living the rest of this life with as much love, gratitude, freedom, curiosity, joy, and alignment with my True Self as this beautifully imperfect human can muster.

And do I still have a wish for humanity?

Absolutely. I wish every human could experience the freedom of knowing, accepting, celebrating, and loving who they truly are. I’d love for people to stop handing their power to gurus, institutions, expectations, and other people’s definitions of success. I’d love for more humans to realize they don’t have to spend their entire lives chasing some imaginary version of themselves who will finally be good enough.

But what you choose to do with your human is entirely up to you.

I’ve got my own human to take care of, and trust me, she’s one hell of a full-time job.

Wisdom Nugget

Leading by example still leaves room for checking to see who’s following. Living by example doesn’t require anyone to follow at all.

Go live your damn life.

I love all you people.

Love and ((HUGS)),

Laura Foster, Founder of Souls Healing Humanity